My Parents' Visit
Jun. 22nd, 2003 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
browngirlWell, they gave me the lectures on my weight and my misuse of my talents that I was expecting last time. At least they also bought me some shrimp, and told me they love me.
My parents, after getting lost and finding their way again, took me out to eat shrimp at the Chinese restauraunt I like in town. Over several dishes of shrimp and veggies, they asked me about how I'm doing, asked after Tigerlily and WD and Wolf and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
spinrabbit. Then they lectured me at length about my weight (we don't want you to die, etc) and told me about their accomplishments in losing weight; for the first time in my life, my father weighs less than I do. I'm impressed.
Still, Lord do they go on. And on and on. Also, it's weird to be being lectured while being fed at the same time, and it's always amusing to see what the bribe will be; this time it was an all-expenses-paid trip to Jamaica if I lose 50 pounds by October.
They also commented on my career, or rather, current lack of one. They reminded me of the Parable of the Talents. (paraphrased: a man going away on a trip gave his servants one talent each. When he returned he rewarded the ones who had invested their talents and returned theirs fivefold or tenfold, and punished the ones who lost their talent or simply buried it.) They told me that I should be teaching at the school, and about All The People who ask about me All The Time and who would be inspired by me if I really accomplished stuff. They compared me to a musician who only plays music in his basement where no one else can hear, and told me I have myriad talents, the seven that Jesus had, and I should not bury them. Despite the long description of this conversation, they actually went on less about this than about my weight.
Oh, and the waitress angled for a tip very cutely, by 1) noticing that I'm my father's daughter and 2) claiming that my father must be rich. It sounds lame and pushy, but she was cute about it.
Then my parents prayed over me, and told me they love me and to take care of myself, and took off for NYC.
Sometimes I look around myself at work, and see how I'm the only Black person on staff (only non-White one, no less, at the moment, unless I'm forgetting someone) and I'm the receptionist. Then I remember that I was hired to be intelligent at work, not despite my intelligence, and thank God for my job. They need me to be smart and understand how an university works. I end up using lots of my brain at work.
I wish I could explain that to my parents, or explain that I'm Just Not A Teacher to them. Really. I know what my talents are. I don't have all seven that Jesus had (and isn't comparing one's child to a deity a good way to get into trouble? I don't want to end up like Andromeda, chained to a rock for a sea monster to eat). I admit, I'm currently lying fallow and perhaps I should rediscover my ambition. I should think about where I want to be when I'm forty, which is only thirteen years away. But, I Will Do It On My Own Schedule, and everyone who's allegedly looking up to me can just look up to me for being stubborn and searching out my own path. Or something.
Before I start this section: I'm searching for answers for myself. No judgement or condemnation of anyone else implied. I'm particularly delicate on this subject, so I am warning now that flames will be, in this case, deleted.
So, my parents are on my case about my weight, again. They have been my whole life. Still....I've been thinking recently, about trying to work into my life the energy to exercise more (I live on a steep hill, I should take advantage of it), continuing to change my eating habits for the better, and so on. I'm not as healthy as I'd like to be, and although I don't care to focus on weight loss, I think losing weight would, in addition to other steps, help me become healthier.
BUT.
For me, weight loss is infinetely tangled with issues of control, punishment, and deprivation. My parents advised me to 'cut out' sugar and butter and chocolate. They advised me to fast one day a week (at least it's a reasonable fast, from right after dinner one day to dinner the next). They told me to stop cooking for my friends, and so on, and so forth. (That last smote me to the heart.) They extended yet another bribe if I lose weight. I don't want to do these things; cutting down is one thing, and I will continue to try to do it, but marking certain foodstuffs as 'forbidden' is a good way to get myself to eventually binge on them. I don't want them to send me to Jamaica contingent on my losing weight. And I certainly don't want to give up one of my favorite hobbies, creating food for my friends, and I don't see why I should.
Besides....every time I have gone on a diet in my life I've fuelled it with self-loathing. I'm afraid of falling into that trap again. That's why I want to approach this as self-improvement, not concentrate on *losing* weight (and therefore on not eating), not feel as if I'm punishing myself. It scares me to even think of doing *that*. My parents' way....I don't want it. I don't know if I can do this without falling into it.
My parents, after getting lost and finding their way again, took me out to eat shrimp at the Chinese restauraunt I like in town. Over several dishes of shrimp and veggies, they asked me about how I'm doing, asked after Tigerlily and WD and Wolf and
spinrabbit. Then they lectured me at length about my weight (we don't want you to die, etc) and told me about their accomplishments in losing weight; for the first time in my life, my father weighs less than I do. I'm impressed.Still, Lord do they go on. And on and on. Also, it's weird to be being lectured while being fed at the same time, and it's always amusing to see what the bribe will be; this time it was an all-expenses-paid trip to Jamaica if I lose 50 pounds by October.
They also commented on my career, or rather, current lack of one. They reminded me of the Parable of the Talents. (paraphrased: a man going away on a trip gave his servants one talent each. When he returned he rewarded the ones who had invested their talents and returned theirs fivefold or tenfold, and punished the ones who lost their talent or simply buried it.) They told me that I should be teaching at the school, and about All The People who ask about me All The Time and who would be inspired by me if I really accomplished stuff. They compared me to a musician who only plays music in his basement where no one else can hear, and told me I have myriad talents, the seven that Jesus had, and I should not bury them. Despite the long description of this conversation, they actually went on less about this than about my weight.
Oh, and the waitress angled for a tip very cutely, by 1) noticing that I'm my father's daughter and 2) claiming that my father must be rich. It sounds lame and pushy, but she was cute about it.
Then my parents prayed over me, and told me they love me and to take care of myself, and took off for NYC.
Sometimes I look around myself at work, and see how I'm the only Black person on staff (only non-White one, no less, at the moment, unless I'm forgetting someone) and I'm the receptionist. Then I remember that I was hired to be intelligent at work, not despite my intelligence, and thank God for my job. They need me to be smart and understand how an university works. I end up using lots of my brain at work.
I wish I could explain that to my parents, or explain that I'm Just Not A Teacher to them. Really. I know what my talents are. I don't have all seven that Jesus had (and isn't comparing one's child to a deity a good way to get into trouble? I don't want to end up like Andromeda, chained to a rock for a sea monster to eat). I admit, I'm currently lying fallow and perhaps I should rediscover my ambition. I should think about where I want to be when I'm forty, which is only thirteen years away. But, I Will Do It On My Own Schedule, and everyone who's allegedly looking up to me can just look up to me for being stubborn and searching out my own path. Or something.
Before I start this section: I'm searching for answers for myself. No judgement or condemnation of anyone else implied. I'm particularly delicate on this subject, so I am warning now that flames will be, in this case, deleted.
So, my parents are on my case about my weight, again. They have been my whole life. Still....I've been thinking recently, about trying to work into my life the energy to exercise more (I live on a steep hill, I should take advantage of it), continuing to change my eating habits for the better, and so on. I'm not as healthy as I'd like to be, and although I don't care to focus on weight loss, I think losing weight would, in addition to other steps, help me become healthier.
BUT.
For me, weight loss is infinetely tangled with issues of control, punishment, and deprivation. My parents advised me to 'cut out' sugar and butter and chocolate. They advised me to fast one day a week (at least it's a reasonable fast, from right after dinner one day to dinner the next). They told me to stop cooking for my friends, and so on, and so forth. (That last smote me to the heart.) They extended yet another bribe if I lose weight. I don't want to do these things; cutting down is one thing, and I will continue to try to do it, but marking certain foodstuffs as 'forbidden' is a good way to get myself to eventually binge on them. I don't want them to send me to Jamaica contingent on my losing weight. And I certainly don't want to give up one of my favorite hobbies, creating food for my friends, and I don't see why I should.
Besides....every time I have gone on a diet in my life I've fuelled it with self-loathing. I'm afraid of falling into that trap again. That's why I want to approach this as self-improvement, not concentrate on *losing* weight (and therefore on not eating), not feel as if I'm punishing myself. It scares me to even think of doing *that*. My parents' way....I don't want it. I don't know if I can do this without falling into it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-06-22 05:47 pm (UTC)My particular formulation—if you're interested—is to say sweetly, with a smile, and without a hint of sarcasm, "Thank you for the advice, Mom." That tells her I love and honor her, I know she means well, and I will make up my own mind about the issue in question.