Denethor - cliff (duh), Boromir - shag (like bunnies, BUNNIES I tell you), Faramir - marry and make sweet, sweet love to. And when he gets tired I call Boromir again. Sam - cliff (so sorry Sam I love you but you lose), Merry - marry (marry Merry, hee), Pippin - shag until we DIED. Then invite the hubby over for some posthumous threesomes. Estel, Thorongil, Elessar? Ehm... Aren't Estel and Elessar the same people? And who is Thorongil? *is ashamed not to know* Gandalf - marry (great voice and handy around the house with that whole lighting-fires-at-will thing), Saruman - cliff, Bombadil - shag (c'mon, Goldberry keeps him around for SOME reason) Arwen - cliff (sorry sweetie: tragic, romantic, dull), Luthien - marry (you know she was a hottie, and she went on adventures and stuff), Galadriel - shag (mmmm, Galadriel) Eomer - shag (with the helmet on please), Eowyn - marry (if she cheered up a wee bit), Theodred - cliff (destined for the cliff anyway, poor sod) Grima, Witch King, Smeagol? THIS IS JUST SO WRONG. But I'd shag the Witch King. Gaffer Gamgee, Farmer Maggot, Robin Smallburrow? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED. Um. Bet Farmer Maggot's a good lay... Durin - cliff cliff cliff, haughty old bugger, Gimli - marry (what? he's handy about the house), Thorin Oakenshield - shag then cliff, fucking Napoleon complex he's got Gildor Inglorion - cliff (bad luck old boy), Legolas Greenleaf - shagadelic, Glorfindel - marry (bit more stable than Leggy methinks) Legolas - marry (Haldir being so... meh), Haldir - shag (yeah, he's meh; he's still shaggable), Figwit - cliff (no idea who this is, lol) Halbarad - shag oh yes yes YES, Beregond - marry (family man, delicious), Bergil (when he grows up) - aww, I wanna shag him too. Shag then cliff.
Real Life
Peter Jackson - marry, George Lucas - CLIFF. ONTO SHARP POINTY ROCKS, Steven Spielberg - shag (he's okay I guess) Viggo Mortensen - shag (oh so much), Sean Bean - marry (and have sex ALL DAY EVERY DAY), Bernard Hill - cliff (sorry Bernie, y'know I love ya) Halle Berry - shag (one of the most beautiful women in the world), Angelina Jolie - cliff (skanky), Julia Roberts - marry (cute laugh, seems nice. too tall for me, though) Christian Bale - don't know him, but shag, what the hell, Michael Keaton - marry mmmmmmmm, Adam West - CLIFF A Minoan, an Egyptian, a Sumerian? Um, yeah. I got nothin'. Marry a Minoan though, this woman's no fool, matriarchal society yespleasethankyou. Sir Ian McKellen - marry (oh the witty banter at the breakfast table!), Christopher Lee - cliff (boring despite the beautiful voice), Ian Holm - shag (cute and small, just like I like 'em) Ewan McGregor - marry and make him keep that beard forEVAH, Sir Alec Guinness - cliff (sorry Obi Wan), Samuel L. Jackson - shag (though he's scary. But I don't mind bottoming.) Sean Connery - shag (after making him call all his ex-wives and lovers and apologise for being an ass), Roger Moore - cliff (sorry, I really do like you okay), Pierce Brosnan - marry and make him read me books. George W Bush, Dick Cheney, John Ashcroft? WTF THIS IS SO WRONG. Okay but: George - marry AND MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL AHAHAHA AND PUBLICLY DECLARE MY BELIEF THAT MARIJUANA AND PROSITUTION SHOULD BE LEGAL AND GAY SEX IS TEH BOMB AND I WRITE IT ALL DAY AHAHAHAHA AND THEN DIVORCE HIM AND TAKE ALL HIS MONEY AND LEAVE HIM A HOMELESS BEGGAR ON THE STREETS OF DC. Yeah. Dick - cliff. OFF A BIG HIGH CLIFF ONTO POINTY SHARDS OF GLASS LIKE RAZOR BLADES. John - shag and then SELL THE STORY AND VIDEOTAPE TO EVERY NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD.
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Date: 2005-06-24 02:39 am (UTC)LOTR:
Denethor - cliff (duh), Boromir - shag (like bunnies, BUNNIES I tell you), Faramir - marry and make sweet, sweet love to. And when he gets tired I call Boromir again.
Sam - cliff (so sorry Sam I love you but you lose), Merry - marry (marry Merry, hee), Pippin - shag until we DIED. Then invite the hubby over for some posthumous threesomes.
Estel, Thorongil, Elessar? Ehm... Aren't Estel and Elessar the same people? And who is Thorongil? *is ashamed not to know*
Gandalf - marry (great voice and handy around the house with that whole lighting-fires-at-will thing), Saruman - cliff, Bombadil - shag (c'mon, Goldberry keeps him around for SOME reason)
Arwen - cliff (sorry sweetie: tragic, romantic, dull), Luthien - marry (you know she was a hottie, and she went on adventures and stuff), Galadriel - shag (mmmm, Galadriel)
Eomer - shag (with the helmet on please), Eowyn - marry (if she cheered up a wee bit), Theodred - cliff (destined for the cliff anyway, poor sod)
Grima, Witch King, Smeagol? THIS IS JUST SO WRONG. But I'd shag the Witch King.
Gaffer Gamgee, Farmer Maggot, Robin Smallburrow? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED. Um. Bet Farmer Maggot's a good lay...
Durin - cliff cliff cliff, haughty old bugger, Gimli - marry (what? he's handy about the house), Thorin Oakenshield - shag then cliff, fucking Napoleon complex he's got
Gildor Inglorion - cliff (bad luck old boy), Legolas Greenleaf - shagadelic, Glorfindel - marry (bit more stable than Leggy methinks)
Legolas - marry (Haldir being so... meh), Haldir - shag (yeah, he's meh; he's still shaggable), Figwit - cliff (no idea who this is, lol)
Halbarad - shag oh yes yes YES, Beregond - marry (family man, delicious), Bergil (when he grows up) - aww, I wanna shag him too. Shag then cliff.
Real Life
Peter Jackson - marry, George Lucas - CLIFF. ONTO SHARP POINTY ROCKS, Steven Spielberg - shag (he's okay I guess)
Viggo Mortensen - shag (oh so much), Sean Bean - marry (and have sex ALL DAY EVERY DAY), Bernard Hill - cliff (sorry Bernie, y'know I love ya)
Halle Berry - shag (one of the most beautiful women in the world), Angelina Jolie - cliff (skanky), Julia Roberts - marry (cute laugh, seems nice. too tall for me, though)
Christian Bale - don't know him, but shag, what the hell, Michael Keaton - marry mmmmmmmm, Adam West - CLIFF
A Minoan, an Egyptian, a Sumerian? Um, yeah. I got nothin'. Marry a Minoan though, this woman's no fool, matriarchal society yespleasethankyou.
Sir Ian McKellen - marry (oh the witty banter at the breakfast table!), Christopher Lee - cliff (boring despite the beautiful voice), Ian Holm - shag (cute and small, just like I like 'em)
Ewan McGregor - marry and make him keep that beard forEVAH, Sir Alec Guinness - cliff (sorry Obi Wan), Samuel L. Jackson - shag (though he's scary. But I don't mind bottoming.)
Sean Connery - shag (after making him call all his ex-wives and lovers and apologise for being an ass), Roger Moore - cliff (sorry, I really do like you okay), Pierce Brosnan - marry and make him read me books.
George W Bush, Dick Cheney, John Ashcroft? WTF THIS IS SO WRONG. Okay but: George - marry AND MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL AHAHAHA AND PUBLICLY DECLARE MY BELIEF THAT MARIJUANA AND PROSITUTION SHOULD BE LEGAL AND GAY SEX IS TEH BOMB AND I WRITE IT ALL DAY AHAHAHAHA AND THEN DIVORCE HIM AND TAKE ALL HIS MONEY AND LEAVE HIM A HOMELESS BEGGAR ON THE STREETS OF DC. Yeah. Dick - cliff. OFF A BIG HIGH CLIFF ONTO POINTY SHARDS OF GLASS LIKE RAZOR BLADES. John - shag and then SELL THE STORY AND VIDEOTAPE TO EVERY NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD.
That was fun. *beams*