Some people seem to forget that giving a warning to people is a matter not of censorship, but of manners. At our best, we employ manners in our lives to make social interactions easier for the people in our lives, be they total strangers or our dearest loves. Manners can be used as a weapon, but that is something that should be called out for what it is.
This does not mean that people all have the same concept of what good manners are. Leaving aside variability between cultures and subcultures, not everybody learns manners to the same standards even within a general culture. Also, you can have manners that are good in one culture but wrong in another culture, like how close you should be to someone else when having a decent conversation, or whether or not you should belch after a meal.
Look at the Littlest Roommate. She is routinely angry, loud, inappropriate and violent. Yes, she's wee and should not be expected to be as well-mannered as a grown-up. However, her preschool apparently considers her to be a fairly well-mannered child. And they've seen some tantrums.
Lots of adults assume that manners are easily learned, that all adults "should know what's right." I want all adults to know what good manners are, but I know from sad experience that not every adult has actually learned good manners--and some (some!) of us only lack a breadth of experience and a little good guidance.
Manners, like any other social skill, are something to be taught and learned, and not everybody can do so without explicit guidance. This point, I feel, is forgotten at times.
This does not excuse poor manners. When you want to be part of a community, it is incumbent on you to learn what kind of manners are good manners. On the flip side, a community should at least try to make its expectations of behavior and manners reasonably clear. Top diplomats do not learn the manners of their mission's country haphazardly or by simple osmosis. They get a lot of guidance, at least to start.
For all that many of us might snigger or groan at the thought of charm school, some basic education on manners would go a long way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Manners
Date: 2012-09-15 05:17 pm (UTC)This does not mean that people all have the same concept of what good manners are. Leaving aside variability between cultures and subcultures, not everybody learns manners to the same standards even within a general culture. Also, you can have manners that are good in one culture but wrong in another culture, like how close you should be to someone else when having a decent conversation, or whether or not you should belch after a meal.
Look at the Littlest Roommate. She is routinely angry, loud, inappropriate and violent. Yes, she's wee and should not be expected to be as well-mannered as a grown-up. However, her preschool apparently considers her to be a fairly well-mannered child. And they've seen some tantrums.
Lots of adults assume that manners are easily learned, that all adults "should know what's right." I want all adults to know what good manners are, but I know from sad experience that not every adult has actually learned good manners--and some (some!) of us only lack a breadth of experience and a little good guidance.
Manners, like any other social skill, are something to be taught and learned, and not everybody can do so without explicit guidance. This point, I feel, is forgotten at times.
This does not excuse poor manners. When you want to be part of a community, it is incumbent on you to learn what kind of manners are good manners. On the flip side, a community should at least try to make its expectations of behavior and manners reasonably clear. Top diplomats do not learn the manners of their mission's country haphazardly or by simple osmosis. They get a lot of guidance, at least to start.
For all that many of us might snigger or groan at the thought of charm school, some basic education on manners would go a long way.