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The Virtues of Pajamas (Comics Fandom, PG-13, crackfic)
Title: The Virtues of Pajamas
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Flash/Kid Flash (Wally/Bart, lopsided)
Disclaimer: So Not Mine
Author's Note/Dedication: This is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pikakao, in honor of her not getting washed away by a tsunami and because she drew this, which just cried out for fic.
"Emergency Preparedness Tips," Bart read aloud, while Wally gritted his teeth and for the umpteenth time did not swear. "Bart, I don't think I need---"
Bart just kept reading. "Number Six. Always wear clothing to bed, in case disaster strikes in the middle of the night."
Wally sputtered, and then laughed. "I think I can throw some clothes on quickly enough," he scoffed. For good measure he tousled Bart's hair, and Bart predictably stopped reading to glare at him. Two for two. Leaving an annoyed Bart in the Garricks' living room, Wally sped off home, and to his well-deserved rest, with a grin on his face.
Between the heat of a summer evening and Bart's stupid list of tips from the Fifties, Wally made sure to go to bed nude, stretching out on the sheets in airy comfort. He always missed Linda when she was on assignment, but it was nice to be able to sprawl. And so, Wally ended up sleeping so deeply that he woke up slowly, as if rising from the depths of some heavy sea; the first thing he noticed was warmth, settled and resting on him, solid but not terribly heavy, localized over his lap and…vibrating gently?
It felt remarkably like someone was sitting on him. Someone kind of small. Who---
Bart.
Bart, smiling sweetly, perched warmly on Wally's lap, murmuring Wally's name.
Oh, no.
"You always tell me to think," Bart said, wiggling a little in place, "so I was thinking." Wally sat up, carefully keeping his hands away from the insane kid. "We're both speedsters, so we can keep up with each other, and we don't like each other so there's nothing to lose---"
Wally groaned. As if he hadn't known where this was going…."Bart, real life isn't like romance novels---"
How could someone focus wide honey-yellow eyes on you and at the same time ignore the words coming out of your mouth? "---and it might even make us understand each other better, so I think we should have sex."
There it was. Wally pressed his hands over his eyes. What he wanted to do was grab Bart and what, pull him closer? No, no, push him off, definitely push him off. Once Wally could trust his hands to obey him. "Bart, I'm---"
"Exactly!" Bart's arms swished as he waved them enthusiastically; Wally pressed harder on his eyes till he saw shooting stars. "So we'd be less likely to develop an inappropriate bond because of one moment of passion."
"Inappropriate!" Wally pulled a hand off his face to gesticulate, which was a mistake; how did Bart manage to smile so sweetly? He wasn't a bad-looking kid at all, and was he wearing anything? Wally thought could feel cloth against his lap, except that he wasn't even going to think about that part of his body until Bart was several states away from it. "Bart, this whole--- thing is completely inappropriate! People in relationships don't have sex with other people!"
"Really?" The puzzled crease between Bart's eyebrows was disturbingly adorable. "That's not what I've seen in books and movies and TV, and Max's daughter's mother was married to someone else when she had her, and---"
"How do you even know that?" Much more of this, and Wally's brain would fracture, melt, and ooze out his ears. Matter-of-factly as if discussing the weather, Bart replied, "Max told me. And I still don't see what it has to do with the essential facts of the matter."
That last phrase was spoken as if quoting someone, probably Robin. Dick was lucky, Robin would never pull a stunt like this. Wally opened his mouth to tell Bart to get off him, and instead heard himself confusedly echo, "Essential facts?"
"Which I just told you," Bart said, a little impatiently. "With the exception of that you're hot. That's an essential fact. Even if you are a bit of a jerk."
Wally was definitely going to push Bart off. If not punch him. "Is that supposed to seduce me?"
"No, this is." Bart smirked, and began vibrating.
Dammit. Wally took a moment to remind himself--- a very specific part of himself--- that he wasn't a teenager anymore, then took a deep breath and matched Bart's frequency. Bart just grinned, grabbed Wally's shoulder, and vibrated harder.
So began one of the strangest contests of skill Wally had ever faced. He desperately struggled to match and cancel out Bart's vibrations, despite his body's mounting insistence that he stop and lie there and, well, enjoy the feel of Bart vibrating that pert little--- No, he wasn't even going to think it, even though Bart, taking this as unseriously as he took everything, just grinned and looked up through absurdly long lashes at Wally and vibrated harder and harder, amping it up and up and up....
Eventually, as the whole bed shivered and the walls creaked, Bart announced in a buzzing voice, "If we keep going we'll go through the bed. That might wreck it."
Oh, really? Wally thought, along with a curse or fifteen, and gave up with what he hoped was an exasperated sigh. He rather wanted to vibrate through the bed and get away, or through Bart and--- well, no. Even though Bart was an infuriating little minx. There was a little part of Wally, besides the bit currently being sat upon, that rather wished he'd had the sheer foolhardy courage to try something like this when Barry was alive….
No, he wasn't going to think about that either. And he wasn't going to toss Bart into the air and take off running, not least because when he stopped to pull on some clothes Bart just might catch up with him. "Bart," Wally said, as evenly and reasonably as he could, ignoring Bart's thumb stroking his collarbone, Bart's soft-looking thatch of hair and his wide, wide smile. "Bart, we can't do this. I'm sorry. You have to go home."
Bart pouted. "It'll be fun."
"There are more important things than fun, Bart." Wally picked Bart's hand up off his shoulder, but found himself holding it between both of his. "I'd hurt Linda, badly, and we'd both destroy the trust the Garricks have in us."
"I don't get it," Bart said, but his expression was already clearing, and he got up off Wally (thank God), and Wally could breathe again. "But, all right, I'll go home."
Wally was in mid-nod when Bart ducked, and it wasn't that Wally didn't see him coming, but for some strange reason he sat still and let Bart plant a kiss on his mouth. "See you later," Bart said with a grin, and was gone.
Wally collapsed, and lay there for perhaps half a second. Then he swore fervently, climbed out of bed, and ran himself a very cold shower, resolving then and forever always to wear pajamas to bed.
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Flash/Kid Flash (Wally/Bart, lopsided)
Disclaimer: So Not Mine
Author's Note/Dedication: This is for
pikakao, in honor of her not getting washed away by a tsunami and because she drew this, which just cried out for fic. "Emergency Preparedness Tips," Bart read aloud, while Wally gritted his teeth and for the umpteenth time did not swear. "Bart, I don't think I need---"
Bart just kept reading. "Number Six. Always wear clothing to bed, in case disaster strikes in the middle of the night."
Wally sputtered, and then laughed. "I think I can throw some clothes on quickly enough," he scoffed. For good measure he tousled Bart's hair, and Bart predictably stopped reading to glare at him. Two for two. Leaving an annoyed Bart in the Garricks' living room, Wally sped off home, and to his well-deserved rest, with a grin on his face.
Between the heat of a summer evening and Bart's stupid list of tips from the Fifties, Wally made sure to go to bed nude, stretching out on the sheets in airy comfort. He always missed Linda when she was on assignment, but it was nice to be able to sprawl. And so, Wally ended up sleeping so deeply that he woke up slowly, as if rising from the depths of some heavy sea; the first thing he noticed was warmth, settled and resting on him, solid but not terribly heavy, localized over his lap and…vibrating gently?
It felt remarkably like someone was sitting on him. Someone kind of small. Who---
Bart.
Bart, smiling sweetly, perched warmly on Wally's lap, murmuring Wally's name.
Oh, no.
"You always tell me to think," Bart said, wiggling a little in place, "so I was thinking." Wally sat up, carefully keeping his hands away from the insane kid. "We're both speedsters, so we can keep up with each other, and we don't like each other so there's nothing to lose---"
Wally groaned. As if he hadn't known where this was going…."Bart, real life isn't like romance novels---"
How could someone focus wide honey-yellow eyes on you and at the same time ignore the words coming out of your mouth? "---and it might even make us understand each other better, so I think we should have sex."
There it was. Wally pressed his hands over his eyes. What he wanted to do was grab Bart and what, pull him closer? No, no, push him off, definitely push him off. Once Wally could trust his hands to obey him. "Bart, I'm---"
"Exactly!" Bart's arms swished as he waved them enthusiastically; Wally pressed harder on his eyes till he saw shooting stars. "So we'd be less likely to develop an inappropriate bond because of one moment of passion."
"Inappropriate!" Wally pulled a hand off his face to gesticulate, which was a mistake; how did Bart manage to smile so sweetly? He wasn't a bad-looking kid at all, and was he wearing anything? Wally thought could feel cloth against his lap, except that he wasn't even going to think about that part of his body until Bart was several states away from it. "Bart, this whole--- thing is completely inappropriate! People in relationships don't have sex with other people!"
"Really?" The puzzled crease between Bart's eyebrows was disturbingly adorable. "That's not what I've seen in books and movies and TV, and Max's daughter's mother was married to someone else when she had her, and---"
"How do you even know that?" Much more of this, and Wally's brain would fracture, melt, and ooze out his ears. Matter-of-factly as if discussing the weather, Bart replied, "Max told me. And I still don't see what it has to do with the essential facts of the matter."
That last phrase was spoken as if quoting someone, probably Robin. Dick was lucky, Robin would never pull a stunt like this. Wally opened his mouth to tell Bart to get off him, and instead heard himself confusedly echo, "Essential facts?"
"Which I just told you," Bart said, a little impatiently. "With the exception of that you're hot. That's an essential fact. Even if you are a bit of a jerk."
Wally was definitely going to push Bart off. If not punch him. "Is that supposed to seduce me?"
"No, this is." Bart smirked, and began vibrating.
Dammit. Wally took a moment to remind himself--- a very specific part of himself--- that he wasn't a teenager anymore, then took a deep breath and matched Bart's frequency. Bart just grinned, grabbed Wally's shoulder, and vibrated harder.
So began one of the strangest contests of skill Wally had ever faced. He desperately struggled to match and cancel out Bart's vibrations, despite his body's mounting insistence that he stop and lie there and, well, enjoy the feel of Bart vibrating that pert little--- No, he wasn't even going to think it, even though Bart, taking this as unseriously as he took everything, just grinned and looked up through absurdly long lashes at Wally and vibrated harder and harder, amping it up and up and up....
Eventually, as the whole bed shivered and the walls creaked, Bart announced in a buzzing voice, "If we keep going we'll go through the bed. That might wreck it."
Oh, really? Wally thought, along with a curse or fifteen, and gave up with what he hoped was an exasperated sigh. He rather wanted to vibrate through the bed and get away, or through Bart and--- well, no. Even though Bart was an infuriating little minx. There was a little part of Wally, besides the bit currently being sat upon, that rather wished he'd had the sheer foolhardy courage to try something like this when Barry was alive….
No, he wasn't going to think about that either. And he wasn't going to toss Bart into the air and take off running, not least because when he stopped to pull on some clothes Bart just might catch up with him. "Bart," Wally said, as evenly and reasonably as he could, ignoring Bart's thumb stroking his collarbone, Bart's soft-looking thatch of hair and his wide, wide smile. "Bart, we can't do this. I'm sorry. You have to go home."
Bart pouted. "It'll be fun."
"There are more important things than fun, Bart." Wally picked Bart's hand up off his shoulder, but found himself holding it between both of his. "I'd hurt Linda, badly, and we'd both destroy the trust the Garricks have in us."
"I don't get it," Bart said, but his expression was already clearing, and he got up off Wally (thank God), and Wally could breathe again. "But, all right, I'll go home."
Wally was in mid-nod when Bart ducked, and it wasn't that Wally didn't see him coming, but for some strange reason he sat still and let Bart plant a kiss on his mouth. "See you later," Bart said with a grin, and was gone.
Wally collapsed, and lay there for perhaps half a second. Then he swore fervently, climbed out of bed, and ran himself a very cold shower, resolving then and forever always to wear pajamas to bed.
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Between the heat of a summer evening and Bart's stupid list of tips from the Fifties, Wally made sure to go to bed nude
Bart should annoy everyone with that list of tips.
(You may want to correct the typo in the listed pairing at the start of the story. Hee.)
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"Here Wally, let me help you massage that injury..."
It's far too early to be thinking like this. *grin*
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Aaaahaha Wally. <3
Yes, I still mean what i said. I adore you forever and ever for this. Omg. xD
This is wonderful and amusing and you have totally made my day. xD
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And you have made my day by telling me so. :)
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And yes, superheroes need to control themselves, but poor Wally! *giggles*
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Bart flopped into the Tower common room. "I'm bored," he announced, spotting Robin sitting on the sofa with a book. "Tim, you wanna have sex?"
Tim who had just been about to tell him to find something useful to do, choked. "What?"
Bart took this as invitation to drape himself over Tim. "Let's have sex," he said. "Go on."
"No."
"Please?" Bart poked Tim. "Please?"
"No." Tim shook him off. "Look, I am not going to sleep with you just because you keep asking. Sex doesn't work like that."
Bart pouted at him, but before Tim could extrapolate further, the door opened and Kon slouched in. "Man, I'm bored."
"Kon!" Bart cheered up. "Wanna have sex?"
Tim sighed. "Bart, that is not how you --"
"Sure," Kon said. "Your room, yeah?"
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Spectacular!
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(And Tim is so going to use surveillance equipmet to watch)
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You deserve love and cookies.
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Gah this is adorable. "Let's have sex" just works so well.
♥ BART AND WALLY.
Thank you so so so so so much. :) I should be threatened by natural disasters more often if it gets me AWESOME stuff. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
::loves you!::
Still loving you. Yep. ♥ ♥ ♥
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You are very welcome, and thank *you*.
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I loved how his way to get Bart to stop was telling him he would hurt Linda's feelings.
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Thank you for commenting. :)
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Naked! With an eye-mask! Cut some holes in the mask, and it makes a perfectly good costume, uh-huh. *nods fervently*
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or would he? ^_^
such a pretty fic for a pretty fic!
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Thank you, very much!
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(Anonymous) 2005-06-22 01:27 pm (UTC)(link)Me: "But that's incest!"
Roomie: "Are they even really cousins? I thought they weren't related by blood."
Me: "No, it's Barry and Wally that are only related by marriage. Wally and Bart are cousins."
Roomie: (grumbling slightly, because she grew up on Silver Age comics and is confused by Wally-as-Flash half the time) "How closely related are they? Because First cousin marriages are ideal in some cultures."
Me: "Wally's father's sister is Bart's father's mother."
Roomie: "That's what? Fifth cousins? That's definitely distant enough!"
Me: "Hmmm."
Still, very weird. Very, very weird. Partially bbcause Wally is the Straightest Man In The DCU, and partly because, dude, Bart/Preston!
Still, cute.
-Eliyes
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Thank you for the comment (and the family tree).
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And, on reflection, I suppose Bart wouldn't really be bugged by such a distant connection with Wally. After all, in post-Zero Hour continuity, his Mom is descended from Barry's twin brother. *shrug*
-Eliyes (who finally got an acocunt due to an avalanche of Gar/Vic plotbunnies)
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(Anonymous) 2005-06-30 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
I don't care, much, right now, though.
Gah.
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In short: it rocks.
The pairing, the fic, Bart and his list of rules, and Wally being much too resistant for his own good.
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