If all the good people leave fandom, then it really will become a terrible place. Right now, it's a place where we can find People Like Us in greater prevalence than we can in mainstream society. Yes, there are also assholes there, but there are assholes EVERYWHERE, including in our own families. Fandom isn't perfect, but nothing human is. Having a greater prevalence of People Like Us makes it a very valuable thing.

I think the problem for some people is black-and-white thinking: if mainstream society is bad, then fandom must be good. But wait, if fandom is discovered to have flaws, then it must be bad, too. Human life is shades of grey, not black and white. Fandom is better than mainstream society in a lot of ways, while still having a boatload of flaws. That's what real life is like -- it's all grey.

*hug* Sorry to hear that this is all so stressful. Take the good parts and ignore (or stomp on, if you have the spoons for it) the rest.